Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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