How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
