He had one of those small greek statue penises
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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