Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
