I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
