oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
