I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
