Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize