I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
