i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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