So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
