I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
