i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
