I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
