I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize