I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
