yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize