I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
