You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
