FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
