all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize