that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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