I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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