no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Text me some of your sweat
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
