I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
