I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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