I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
