It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
