he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
