wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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