His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize