farters have to be the big spoon...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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