omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
