My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
