So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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