There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
