I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
