I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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