turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
