Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
