May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would ride that face into the sunset
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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