I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
