I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
