Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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