Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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