He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
