Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
