If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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