I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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