So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize