dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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