what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
