So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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