ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
