so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize