70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
