oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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