I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
