Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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