This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
false alarm, still single
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
