That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
