I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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