What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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