I have demons in me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
