Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
