I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
they're like a gay fantastic four
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
