Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
