wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
