3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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