you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
