We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
birth control should be required to get into college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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