i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
