A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
